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Current Music:Jenny was a friend of mine-the killers
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Subject:living behind a veil.
Time:03:52 pm
Current Mood:blahblah
So much is going on right now...it can be really really stressful. I am going through things emotionally, mentally, and physically. The one that bothers me the most is the emotions-and no I am not PMSing :P..perhaps I will explain later. Anyway I have sooo much homework to do-yes I should be doing it right now instead of writing this. Exams start next week and I haven't finished the semesters work! What makes me mad the most is the fact that I have had my SCC ISU done for ages, but haven't been able to print it off, and he won't accept it otherwise. If I can't get it printed I will be fucking screwed. Next semester I will have to work really had to get my average up or there will no chance in hell of getting into University this fall. Maybe I wasn't meant to go....but if I don't get accepted I will look like a failure and I couldn't handle that either. I have no clue what I want to do with my life which makes the situation worse, well at least when you have a mind like mine.
--On other news I think I will be doing a 12 week type boot camp to get my weight down a bit. It was in the Feburary issue of 'O', you know Oprah's magazine. I originally saw it online. She wrote a bit about her commitment. Her views were rather close to mine. She nailed it when she talked a bit about living behind a veil. Thats what I am doing right now, it is what I've been doing for ages. Not being who you can be.
--This year is also prom...I think I mentioned it before? I dunno, anyway for some reason I am excited. I am never excited about these things. It shouldn't be a big deal, really it isn't. I think it will be a great night to hang out with my friends but I kind of want a date which I dunno if that is a good or a bad thing....again I won't go into great detail, or some issues or jealousy might come up which i also won't explain. I don't have the heart to share my emotions and feeling with others and won't chance writing them down. For example I accidently brought up I liked someone with a friend, and trust me it was a tragic event for myself. Is liking someone really that bad of thing? It is to me apperently. I don't know why. Maybe I am afraid of liking someone that much or even possibly loving someone so I shut the ideas or possible feelings out. I feel like I should be in like grade 10 and having the whole crush thing going on. Not now *rolls eyes* it is pathetic. Lol, perhaps I shouldn't approach it that way.
--Anyway I should get doing my homework. I might even pull out one of my tapes and watch a few epd. of Most Haunted. I love that show. Too bad I haven't been able to watch it for awhile. Thank goodness its on again next week on W Network! I really miss having the old times when Jason, Phil, Rick *blushes :P*, Craig and all them were on the show. And I still haven't gotten my phil whyman autograph :(. Oh on another note I should be getting my books by Derek Acorah (the spiritual medium on MH) soon! Yay!!!!
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Current Music:none
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Time:04:14 pm
Current Mood:annoyedannoyed
I want to know what the hell happened.
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Current Music:Avril Lavigne???
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Time:05:31 pm
Current Mood:calmcalm
Lately I have been going through a weird phases. Or well one long phase. I suppose it is just change occuring. It was bound to happen soon enough. All my friends have already started to change and grow up. It is not a very fun phase I must say because I have no clue who I really am, what I want to do with my life and am I making the right decisions? I really want to change and become who I am suppose to be but with this confusion I am going through it is hard. At times I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and that no body understands me but that could just be becasue at home my family doesn't really understand me. I am having a really hard time at home. Well it is not that bad, a lot of people have it worse then me but it is just soo annoying that at times I just want to pick up and go. Well a lot of the times I feel that way. I have a feeling that once I move out I won't be keeping in touch- or well I will talk to them a few times a year tops. I am also feeling like I have to make my lifes decisions in a few months time. Applications to University start soon and I know for sure where I would like to go, and plan to but I am not sure what to take. Well I want to take film and video at this point in time or History would be great as well. But lately I wish I would have taken drama and gotten expirence in that field because it would be a dream career. Getting to be somebody else, and being characters that are so different from you. I could do it but I guess I am just worried that it wouldn't work out and I wouldn't get any jobs. But then again I am trying to get into film studies at Ryerson and hopefully York with no film expirence so I suppose anything is possible. I don't really understand my desire to be an actress or take film and video for that matter. It just doesn't seem fitting to the whole I got to get a good business job that pays well so I can afford nice things. Is it possible that I am starting to become a normal human being who has emotions, and is not just someone who is pretty much mechianical. It's true that in the past month I am pretty sure I have had felt more emotional feelings then in like the past decade.

It's funny how things have changed since the beginning of highschool for my friends and I. Less then four years ago we entered grade nine. My main group of friends then were all about grades, and thats about it. We weren't into guys (some of us still don't really give a damn, in the dating sense) and I never thought about relationships with the oppisite sex either. Well now I wonder why I have no male friends lol. Anyway it is kind of neat to see the progression. One of my friends still likes her ex and feels she will only love homosexual males from now on. The other has two guys who really like her and I can't wait to see who she picks...I am trying to figure out if my one friend might like someone, and my other friend well she only tends to have crushes. As for me I think I might like some guy but he is a total jerk and I don't understand how I can even kind of like him, which is the stage I am at. I usually never get to this stage which is okay with me...and I guess he isn't a jerk, that is just me being a feminist. I don't even know him which isn't good either.....why do you end up liking those who you don't know? It doesn't have a logical reason. Some quesions will always be unanswered won't they? I can't stand that. I have a feeling I am going to do this major reflection from the past few years so I will end my entry now.
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