Last night just pissed me off. I was sick so I went to bed early. What happens next? Appox. every two hours I was woken up by something pathetic they were doing downstairs. Like loud talking....loud music, and even hitting drums for over f*cking 15 minutes. *Hello! I am trying to sleep*. But ya I don't matter, all three of them were downstairs enjoying themselves. Each time I resulted in putting my music on to drown out the sound. What would I do without Billy Talent, and Fiona Apple? I don't know. I was getting really pissed off though.....funny how before I went to bed they were talking about me moving out this summer, and of course Katherine had to start saying I hated her and all this bullshit putting every problems blame on me...for that I should hate her, and maybe I do. I have no connection with anyof them for the most part. I think that after I leave them I won't keep in contact. It just seems natural that it will happen. I bet mom and rob will get married as well once I am gone. Once I am gone. That is the key. I won't be there to wreck anything since they all hate me pretty much, something about me just annoys them....what did I ever do to piss them off? Nothing....it is an natural hate they have against me. Well at least Rob.....I have communication issues with Mom and Kat apperently.
I won't do this bullshit to my children if I ever have any. None of this getting drunk, partying and shit. Thinking I am the absolute superior and everything I do is right...who cares about everybody else in the household right? Fuck that. A thought a family was suppose to be like this unit, that cares and loves on another...I cannot say I have that. Not that there is a problem with that...I actually don't mind. I like being alone. But I hate it when they start that fucking bullshit. I don't even know if I 'love' my family. Half the time I don't honestly care.....and I am always asked if I love my mom....why do you care people? Its none of your business, and if I am emotionless then deal with it. There is nothing wrong with it, seriously. I wish for one day I could wake up and stay happy for more then 5 mintues. Thats right...I am normally optimistc....well usually until I am surrounded by negaitvity and my pesstimestic sister starts talking. Thats what normally wrecks my day though the week. Days like last night make me go on an anger streak. I think I really need to get out. I need a break to see things for myself, without them. I know I am being harsh but who wouldn't be? A lot of people are harsh.
Anyway I was reading my Oprah magazine and it was talking about whats going on in the Congo and the Interahamwe attacking people and raping all these women. How can they be allowed to do that? It is a shame that some people there see rape as a bad thing (which it is don't get me wrong) but then pin it on the women, and dis-own them pratically. It is really sad. These women get raped and lose everything. I really don't understand how they can get away with it. Sure it is a difficult situation but I wish there was something I could do to help these women. I don't have enough money for myself so I can't even offer money to support one of these women who desevere another start. I dunno, and I think I got it bad? I am very lucky to live in Canada. A country of peace keepers....I dunno....I might as well end this rant now...
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